Actions speak louder than words...

So here I am, about to be facing my first weigh-in and February and I am in about the same place I was several weeks ago when I mad an infamous IT'S TIME TO GET SERIOUS post.

This morning when I was getting ready for work and regretting my late night binge (because that's basically what it was) I thought to myself, "Today is a new day!" Then an a voice inside my head replied with, "Really? I've heard that one before."

So there are a few things I want to address.

I was down last week, .8 to be exact. Nothing that was going to get me to that 165 goal for our engagement party. I have been half-assing my diet. I've been doing this long enough to know that even though I'm working out it won't do shit if I don't stick to the program.

My biggest problem is, like I've mentioned before, I'm a TERRIBLE snacker. I have a hard time identifying my true hunger signals (or maybe I choose to ignore them?). I've tried many things, reward jars, notes on the fridge reminding myself not to snack but what it really comes down to is that it's a deeper change I need to instill in myself.

Also, I don't snack on fattening/bad foods. I eat very healthy things but I eat too much of them. NOT GOOD!

I've actually been better about my night snacking. I have talked myself out of it a few times even! I have figured out though that when my anxiety is high and I'm not resting well my tendency to snack at night is greater. I'm guessing it's a comfort thing.

Well, last night was the worst snack night in a while and possibly ever. I ate a ice cream sandwich (4PP, snack mix 4PP and a mini-granola bar 2PP) at like 1 a.m. Really Danielle? REALLY?!

I can't really tell you what went though my head. Other than that I wasn't sleeping good, I felt crappy (my knee hurt, my facial pain was hurting) and that I clearly felt like I was very hungry. I wasn't.

So there is my confession. It really does have to stop. Even if it means keeping no snacks in the house until I can learn to control myself.

I do have a positive thing to report! John and I got a Groupon for 10 classes each at a spin studio. The bikes are crazy and you can "turn" on them which works your core and shoulders. It's intense!

Anyway, I'll end this by saying tomorrow is a new day where I can make new choices. No, screw that, right now is a new MINUTE where I can make new choices. If I make the right ones, I'll succeed and if I don't I'll face set-backs.


I hope to report that I'm down a pound on Saturday, so those good choices need to start now.

So I won't get my Magic jersey reward, it sucks but a deal is a deal. However, if I get under 170 by the 26th I can get a new dress if I choose to for our engagement party.

Wait! I did have one more thing to mention! My "no wedding dress shopping until I'm 160 or under" rule is still in play. I want it to be a happy and positive experience, not a depressing one. I don't really need to start looking until summer so there is plenty of time! I will be one hot bride.

Well, hello!

I didn't post this weekend because I skipped my meeting. Bad Danielle! In my defense, we had to head out to Orlando Saturday morning for a busy day of venue searching for the wedding.

I woke up on Saturday with the intentions to go, but after seeing my scale at home appear to be showing me that I stayed the same I lost the motivation to rush out of the house.

I've also been really bad with snacking at night the past two weeks. It's a horrible habit. I broke it for a few weeks and then started again. IT HAS TO STOP. Simple as that, really.

I'm happy to report I didn't snack last night! I actually want to implement the rule that I can't eat past 9 p.m. Of course there will be nights when that happens but for the most part, on weekdays I shouldn't be snacking that late.

I am hoping to be down a pound this week and have been doing pretty good. However, Aunt Flo came to visit me yesterday afternoon so I'm worried about the extra water weight she brings, bitch.

I started going to the gym over lunch a few days a week and I love it! We have a small gym in the building I work in. I can't do long runs (over 3 miles) but it works out great for at least two days if not three.

I'm also excited to report that on Monday I ran four miles! That's the longest I've ran since the 10k back in November. I'm glad I still have it in me. So here is what I've done this week:

Monday: 4 mile run
Tuesday: off (rest angry knees)
Wednesday: cardio/upper body strength intervals
Thursday: off (accupuncture)
Friday: 3 mile run

I will update more this weekend.

Thinking thoughts...

Yesterday wasn't a good day for a few reasons. My knees were bugging me and it was upsetting, I was feeling burnt out with my job, discouraged about my lack of weight loss and sad about my lack of friends.

I won't get into the details of everything.

I ended up skipping my strength yesterday because the idea of squats and lunges on my hurting knees seemed bad. Not to mention I was at the doctor until almost 5:30 so I got home later than expected.

So in terms of weight loss (or lack there of) I keep getting so upset. I feel like I'm stuck and I'll never get to my goal of 145.

Just an hour ago I was sitting at my desk having these thoughts. I want so badly to lose 20lbs before John and I go to NYC in December and I keep thinking of how I'm failing and won't get there.

Then my mind sort of went, "Well you're the only one who can give you what you want." It's true, no one can do some magic and make me 20 lbs lighter. I have to get my act together and focus on healthy eating habits.

So that is what I am going to do. I am going to focus on my eating habits more. I have two weeks left before the 10k but like I touched on in an earlier post I need to move some attention away from running and put it back on tracking, healthy habits etc.

With that said, I don't think I will be doing the half-marathon in February. At first I was really excited about it and part of me still wants to do it but part of me knows focusing that much on increased mileage etc. is going to perpetuate my lack of attention to my eating habits.

Could I do both? Maybe, but I want to prioritize and this what is best for me.

I am not going to quit running. In fact I want to continue with 5k/10k distances and really work on getting solid 10 min. miles.

In addition I am going to re-join the gym I think and also start doing spinning again as well as at least two days a week of strength. So all in all my activity level will not drop, it will just change. I want to at minimum keep two run days. One short run day (5k distance) and one long run day (5-6 miles). John has a bike and maybe for Christmas I can get one so we can ride together. :)

So anyway back to my main man(woman?) eating habits/weight loss:

When I was very successful and losing weight almost every week (2005-early 2007) I was VERY diligent about tracking. I found that with my body and what worked for me I could not use my WAP and expect to lose. Maybe using 5-10 would be okay but for the most part if I wanted a nice loss I had to forget about those WAP. Now, back in those days I was working out 5-6 days a week and I would use my AP. The difference between then and now is I didn't work out as intensely (i.e. 5 mile runs) so I'd never get more than 3 AP.

Things I am going to start focusing on and habits I want to change:

• Honest tracking, track everything, one BLT = 1 point (i.e. bite of John's dinner = 1 point! That should help deter me!)
• Snacking during the day. I eat healthy but I am a HUGE snacker which gets me in trouble with going over points. I need to plan for a mid-morning snack, mid-afternoon and after dinner snack so I can stay in points.
• Snacking at night. This just needs to stop. It is a bad, bad habit that there is no need for it.
• Eating out! Eating out is a big thing for John and I. It's the social thing we do with friends and John and I are also big foodies. We love watching Food Network and trying new places. Mind you, we have a list for our trip already... ;) When I eat out I need to make sure it's somewhere that has options. I also have to realize I might be the only one not having a delicious fattening plate but that it's okay.
• Emotions. That is a big thing for me. I am an emotional eater and very emotional in general. When I am feeling a certain way I need to ask myself why I am feeling like this and try to address the problem without food!

Okay so that leads me to my final item...the reward jar! I am going to get a jar this weekend that will collect some type of item (let's say paper clips for now). For each day I succeed in something listed below a paper clip will go in the jar. One paper clip = $1! I can collect it before our NY trip and cash in.

Rewarded behaviors:

• No night snacking = 2
• Staying within daily points = 1
• Banking APs earned = 1

So as you can see the night snacking is rewarded a little more because that is such a bad habit. I was going to add an item for a completed workout but let's not go crazy. I don't want to owe myself $500. ;)

Reward bank begins Saturday and will be cashed in on December 4th!

That is all for now! This was long, hope you read. :)

Keepin' on keepin' on...

So I am still finding myself doubting my 5k time from Saturday. What is wrong with me? I checked the course! I guess it's an effect of a low self-esteem. :\

Yesterday I was going for my long run of the week, 5.5 miles. My knees felt iffy all day so I told myself I'd play it by ear and if I wasn't feeling good I'd swap it for a shorter run and do the 5.5 another day.

Apparently Monday runs = runs with all types of issues. My knees felt eh but I had more GI distress and also I was getting a sharp pain where one of my incisions was from my surgery in February. It could have actually been related to the GI distresses. Sigh.

So you could probably guess I wrapped it up around 3.1 Long run attempt #2 will be Wednesday. I want today to be an easy day so I'm just going to do 30 Day Shred level two or Shred It!

My midnight snacking has been bad again. I'm completely aware of my snacking (not sleep walking or anything) but I wake up to pee and feel like I need to snack. It sucks starting the day with -4 points. I will beat this bad habit!

I just had lunch and it was delicious! I had a small sandwich using one slice of 15-grain bread, sliced chicken breast, lettuce and a tiny bit of light mayo and mustard. Yum! This bread held up really nicely sitting in the fridge overnight! I also had a side of my new love, chick pea salad! Yon can make any variation but I used: can of chick peas, reduced fat feta, English cucumber, tomato, 1tbsp EVOO, white balsamic, salt pepper - yum! It's approx. 2 points for half of a cup.

In muh belly now!

In other news I've been falling off the wagon with the no soda/caffeine thing. I realized today I've been allowing too many "once in a whiles," so I am cutting it out 100 percent again.

Finally, I am very hot and cold about this half marathon in February. Especially now with the knee pain. I def. want to wait to see what a doctor recommends.

Tonight I need to start Order of the Phoenix!

A win and a loss plus peas on the knees.

So I went on the treadmill at work and knocked out the 5.25 miles. It wasn't easy and my inner whiner was being really loud from miles 2 to 3. It was nice being able to watch shows on my iPhone. I ended up watching the LOST Pilot part 1 and some of part 2. I love that show so much. I started to get emotional during the first five minutes. True LOST fans will understand.

So anyway, big win! I drove home and was famished. So hungry! I thought I had a game plan for dinner but I thought wrong.

I got in the kitchen and tried to think what would be fast. I had spelt pretzels and hummus. I took a pre-portioned container of hummus that we get for John to bring to work. Turns out it was 4 points and if you add the pretzels there was 6. All my points...

I felt ravenous and thought "I can't just eat that!" So I had 1oz of sliced turkey (1) and then made an Amys veggie burger on a sandwich thin (1).

In addition to this I had some carrots with mustard (0) but the next grab is what killed me.

The evil dark chocolate. Generally I am okay with dark chocolate in the house. Well tonight I took a 1/4th of the bar I picked this weekend. Okay, fine, wanted something sweet...then I went back for more. I ate half the bar which clocked in at 5 points. Fuck. My. Life.

I am typing this now to vent because I feel sad, ashamed and like I've failed.

I did a run for nothing? No, I know that isn't true. I built my endurance and my body is burning fat more efficiently (thank god). I just feel disappointed.

Week after week I say "This week I am going to stay in my daily points!" and I've yet to do that.

Sure, I have 5 WAP left for the week and have 13 activity points untouched but it still sucks.

I think this next week I'm going to post my daily points in here. Maybe if I feel accountable to you guys it will help me.

Does anyone have advice for what to do when you're feeling exhausted and famished after a long run and need to eat? I guess planning is key and I was sort of winging it.

Back when I was doing my best on WW and losing mostly every week I was too far on the other side. I remember eating chocolate one night and trying to make myself throw up. I couldn't and was so upset. So I went to the gym for the second time that day to burn off more points. That isn't healthy. I never made that behavior a habit but even though I was losing I wasn't in a good place either.

I need to find a good in between place.

Oh, I almost forgot, I'm about to put a bag of peas on my knees and ice them. They hurt. :(

Scared.

Hi everyone.

So I am back from the Bahamas! It was a great time. It's so beautiful there! John and I had a great time.

I tried to make good food choices but I also splurged more than I'd like to have.

What's done is done and I have to just move on. Nothing is coming up that should be an obstacle so I have no excuses. Time to buckle down.

I don't want to go into a lot right now but I'm scared. I am seeing numbers on the scale that are high. I feel in some ways I've lost control and I don't know what to do. I do know what to do though.

I want more than anything to be at goal weight in 2010. I mean that, more than anything. I am the only one who can give myself that.

As much as I want to skip another meeting this week and avoid the facts that I'm up a bit since last weigh-in I need to face it and forgive myself.

I will be at goal this year. A new me doesn't need to start Saturday at weigh-in.

A new me starts now.

Photos from trip:

Morning workouts...

So today my plan was (key word was)  to get up at 5:30 a.m. and make a 6 a.m. spin class. That didn't happen.

For a few weeks earlier this year I was able to get out bed and get to a few of those classes and I liked not having to worry about working out after work! It's just SO HARD to drag myself out of bed that early.

I sleep well. It's hard enough for me to get up at 6:50 a.m. for work!

Now I remember those few weeks when I was doing this saying how once I was up and awake I was fine. I just need to be able to get myself out of bed and dressed!

Anyway, group fitness classes end at 9:15 a.m. at my gym on Friday's so that's out for today.

I have a doctor appt. at 4 this afternoon and my plan is to hit the gym tonight to do Week 6, Day 1 of Couch to 5k.

I plan to hit the gym Sunday, Monday and Tuesday! Three days in a row is hard for me but John and I are driving to Orlando late Wednesday night because we are going to...

THE BAHAMAS on Thursday! :) I am so excited. I am going to try and eat as best I can while I'm there and I think with all the swimming I'll at least be getting some activity. :)

We do have two dinner reservations at nice places. One being the Mesa Grill which is our favorite. We've been to the one in NYC three times and consider it our special place. So when we saw there was one in Atlanis we knew we had to go!

We arrive Thursday around 3 p.m. and we leave around 5 p.m. on Sunday.

Moving on...

Confession: I made a big eating mistake last night. I have been way better about my night-time snacking but last night I blew it complely. John was in the shower and I woke up to pee around 11:40 p.m. I ate these three mini-pitas and dipped them in peanut butter. FAIL! Now, at least this was a healthier peanut butter but it's still 3 points for 2tbsp. I am estimating this binge as 9 points. I took away 5 weekly extras (down to 15 left) and then took away 4 from my points today. Where they come from is neither here nor there I suppose but that is how I did it.

To make mattters worse I just ate 3 points worth of Twizzlers. They were tasty though, I must admit. ;)

So here I am with 14 points left for the day and it's 10:52 a.m.! I can manage this...

I am going out to lunch with girls from work and I am going to get a simple salad with shrimp and fat-free dressing on the side. I am hoping this will be between 4-5 points.

For a mid-afternoon snack I will have a banana for 2 points.

I will hit the gym and earn 3 AP which I plan on not using.

When I return from my workout I will have a Green Monster smoothie and a veggie burger for 6 more points.

That should keep me right around 14. If I have to use the AP I will.

Crap, better get back to work!

Happy Passover!

Today started week 2 of Couch to 5k! It wasn't bad. I've gotten this far before (up to week 5, I think...). I love, love, love the Couch to 5k iPhone app I got. :)

For breakfast today I had a delicious breakfast. An Everything Bagel Thin(I've had a hard time finding these), WW cream cheese and lox. YUM!

Today was an alright day for a Monday. The day went fairly quick.

For dinner in celebration of Passover since I haven't been to a Seder in years I made matzo brie(fried matzo)! I made it lighter by not using butter to cook it in but it was still yummy. I am so full from my serving.

I have a bad habit of snacking while cooking. For instance, tonight's dinner (also made the turkey zucchini meatloaf) took an hour to get done and I kept picking. I ended up not even having any of the loaf because I was full. I wish I could chew gum while I cooked.

I think I used my activity points today which stinks. I wanted to bank them!

Time to go relax...

Monday is not Funday

So somehow I managed to only get two pictures today and it was off a yogurt and a NutriGrain bar so I won't bore with you pictures of two snacks you're probably familiar with. :\

Today went fairly well points-wise. I had ended up eating a fiber bar at 1:30 a.m. (I swear I felt hungry!) so I started the day with -2 points. I need to remind myself when I want to reach for that night-time snack how much I'll miss those two points when the day comes.

I ended up using another 5 WAP tonight snacking but the good news is that my doctor told me this afternoon I can start working out again!

I am about to do my Biggest Loser yoga DVD and Wednesday and Friday I plan to earn at least two AP each day so that is a total of 5 AP earned. If I feel up for it I'll be able to earn 7 but we shall see.

Saturday and Sunday are both being spent at Disney parks so I'll get lots of walking in those two days.

Ok, I better go change to do the yoga before it gets too late.

I promise I'll get back to the photos tomorrow!

One picture...oops!

So yeah...today I only managed to get a photo of one thing I ate. It's kind of hard getting photos of everything and getting them uploaded. I am still trying to perfect this so it's easy enough for me to do long term!

Anyway, I got to bed last night pretty early and slept well. I did wake up around 11:30 p.m. and eat a handful of pretzels. John tried to stop but I get evil when I'm in my sleepy snack fits so alas I won. I put pretzels points into today's points which you will see later. I also had a popcorn snack last night which put me two points over. I ate dinner too early so I ended up needing that extra snack. Boo.

For breakfast I made my 1 point coffee and had an Alternative Bagel and WW cream cheese for 2 points. I also counted 2 points for pretzels from my bad little snack last night.

For a mid-morning snack I had a Yoplait Parfait Delight for 2 points. I highly recommend these! I also recommend the Jello Sugar-Free mousse.

For lunch today I had a frozen mean. Eggplant Rolletini for 3 points and a small salad for 2 points.

Later in the day I had a 0% Chobani Greek Yogurt in the vanilla flavor for 2 points.

I had acupuncture after work and got home a little before 7 p.m.

For dinner I had a sandwich which was an Arnolds Sandwich Thin, Boars Head Blazin' Buffalo Chicken Breast(2oz) and a little avocado for a total of 4 points. I had some pretzels on the side for 2 points.
 

I had dinner and then I have a confession...I ate two WW ice cream cones. Fail. I've been super good about not going crazy on that stuff but I guess my monthly visitor caused my chocolate craving to go off the charts and I couldn't resist. The cones are two points but if you eat two of them it's 5 points.

It wasn't a tragic disaster but still not good.

I am excited to see my doctor Monday and hope to get the OK on going back to the gym.

I am going to my WW meeting this Saturday no matter what. I may have my monthly guest still and may not have been able to work out but I feel like I've been in control this past week and even though I've used most of my WAP I feel good.

I am hoping to weigh-in around 175 but since Aunt Flo is here I hope for 177 max.

John and I are going to Atlantis in the Bahamas May 6th which is 5-6 weeks away and I want to be at 165. If I can get back to the gym I know I can do it.

Time to go read more HP!

A bad day. :(

Today was just a bad day. Simple as that.

I even forgot photos for the first half of the day!

I snacked again last night (ugh) so I started out the day 4 points in the negative.

For breakfast today I had my 1 point coffee and 2 points for my Bagel Thin and WW cream cheese.

I didn't have time to pack a lunch today so I bought salad at work. I had some chicken on it and it was 5 points I also had some snack mix which was 2 points.

For afternoon snacks at work I had 0 point veggies and a 1 point apple.

I rushed home after work so John and I could go view a condo (we are moving soon) and for dinner I had some baked chips and salsa for 2 points and a sandwich using an Arnolds Sandwich Thin, chicken and avocado for 3 points.

 

I had a piece of candy when we were out for 2 points and a WW Ice Cream Cone later for 2 points.

Just before I posted this I got hungry so I had some cut up cucumbers with dressing for 1 point.

Today was one of those days where it was really hard to not emotionally eat. I was feeling stressed, sad, angry, frustrated and overwhelmed. I am sad I went over my dailies again but what's done is done and tomorrow is a new day.

Could use some words of motivation. <3

25/24 daily points used

19/35 weekly allowance points remaining

I hate Tuesdays.

Tuesdays are the busy day at work for me and are always a long day.

I had acupuncture after work so that was nice (yet expensive).

 Anyway...

Last night I ended up snacking more bringing me to 25/35 weekly used. That was an even 10 used and like always. Just gotta stick to my daily points and not snack at night! UGH.

This morning for breakfast I had a bagel thin(these are Thomas brand) and a WW cream cheese. You will also see my Smart Water which I usually drink one each day and at least one other small bottle. My breakfast was 2 points and my coffee was 1 point.

I felt hungry around 10:45 a.m. and didn't want my pudding. I ended up going to the vending machine and getting a granola bar which was 4 points which is pretty high for a mid-morning snack. I also had my diet root beet. I quit drinking caffeine for health reasons over a month ago now. :)

For lunch today I ate at my desk (which is always fun) and had Michael Angelo's Natural Eggplant Rolletini frozen meal. It's usually with the organic frozen foods. It's only 3 points and yummy! I also had a small apple for 1 point.

Was busy at work all day but later in the afternoon I ate my 1 point pudding my 0 point veggies.

I didn't get home until 6:30 but I wanted to make this other WW recipe I found for stuffed chicken. It's stuffed with spiniach, feta, onion and lemon zest. Sounds good, right? Wrong...

OH! Side note...I had a snack of baked chips for 3 points while cooking.

It was really difficult to make and hard to get the chicken cooked through. It tasted okay but I wouldn't make it again. A serving is four points but I didn't eat all mine so I counted it as 3 points. My serving of cous cous was 3 points as well.

For dessert I had a WW Ice Cream cup for 2 points and I crushed one Thin Mint cookie into it for 1 point more.

That should be all the eating for today!

In other news I decided to take off an extra five allowance points for BLTs(bites, licks, tastes) that might have been neglected though the week. No more of those!

I am tired and cranky so I am going to go. I hope I get more followers soon...

24/24 daily points used
20/35 weekly allowance remaining

When cooking doesn't go as planned...

Grr...last night I woke up around 12:30 a.m. and felt hungry. I ate a snack. I had also gone a few points over later in the day so I was down to 25/35 weekly allowance points used. This is a really bad habit I have and I need to stop! Anyway...

This was my first full day back at work since my surgery the 19th of Feb. and what a long day it was.

For breakfast this morning I had a Bagel Thin with WW cream cheese and some lox again. It was good and 3 points. I ate around 8:30 a.m. at my desk. I also had my coffee for 1 point.

I got hungry again around 10:30 a.m. and had a 1 point Sugar-Free pudding.

Two new girls started at work today so we all went out to lunch at this restaurant BJ's Brewhouse. We got chips and salsa for the table (ugh) which I was lucky enough to be sitting in front of so I ended up using 3 points on those bastards. That is a guesstimate though because I don't have a real idea of how many calories were in the handful I ate. :( These are not pictured because they are evil.

For my lunch I got a Southwest Salad with no cheese and no tortilla strips. So it was pretty much lettuce, onion, a little corn and tomato. I am thinking that was 0 points but the avocado on top was 2 points and I think I ate about 3 points worth of chicken. For dressing I used salsa which was 0 points. When the brought my my salad at first it had the creamy southwest dressing and I sent it back. Jerks.

Later in the day at work I ate a snack of baby carrots and cucumber slices for 1 point and before I left work I had an apple for 1 point (not pictured).

I got home and made a Weight Watchers recipe for Chicken Tikka Maslsa. I love indian food and was hoping this would be a good substitute since a regular dish of this at the Indian restaurant is super high.

Let me start by saying WW recipies are hit or miss and this one was sadly a miss. It wasn't gross but I wouldn't make it again. The sauce was more like a spicy tomato and lacked flavor. John thought it was okay and he is having the leftovers for lunch tomorrow. Here is my portion (served on basmati rice) which I am saying is 5 points as I adjusted the recipe a bit. Looks good doesn't it?

Sadly, if I am being honest with myself and with my readers I snacked on random things when I got home and was cooking. Mindlessly none the less so I am going to force myself to subtract 5 points. This sucks! Another bad habit. I wish I could chew gum when I cooked, but I don't chew gum. Grr...maybe I should get mints?

I am going to have a WW Ice Cream Cone for 2 points before bed. Yum.

Overall today went okay. My goal is to be perfect and stay within my daily points the rest of the week.

Tomorrow I am going to bring my lunch so it will be easier. Not sure what dinner will be tomorrow. Might try another WW recipe and hope for a better result.

Yawn.

27/24 Daily Points Used
27/35 Weekly Allowance Remaining