Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Scared.

Hi everyone.

So I am back from the Bahamas! It was a great time. It's so beautiful there! John and I had a great time.

I tried to make good food choices but I also splurged more than I'd like to have.

What's done is done and I have to just move on. Nothing is coming up that should be an obstacle so I have no excuses. Time to buckle down.

I don't want to go into a lot right now but I'm scared. I am seeing numbers on the scale that are high. I feel in some ways I've lost control and I don't know what to do. I do know what to do though.

I want more than anything to be at goal weight in 2010. I mean that, more than anything. I am the only one who can give myself that.

As much as I want to skip another meeting this week and avoid the facts that I'm up a bit since last weigh-in I need to face it and forgive myself.

I will be at goal this year. A new me doesn't need to start Saturday at weigh-in.

A new me starts now.

Photos from trip:
















6 comments:

Jen said...

I am SO proud of you for deciding to start right at this moment and to face the scale Saturday! Because yes, whether or not you go, the number will still exist. It's the same thing when we overeat and don't write it down to ignore it, so we don't feel guilty when we face it...you bite it you write it! I know it must be tough to see that yes, you have gained some back, but that doesn't mean you have to gain it ALL back, and you can decide right now to make a difference and forgive yourself for the gain and move forward! You are only human...sometimes what we really want isn't as easy to get as we'd like it to be...but just take it a little bit at a time and remember your journal title and your post-it quote. Remind yourself that every pound is less than you were with one more pound on. I have seen you achieve some amazing stuff and I know YOU know you can do this! <3 Love you...you're going to kill it! Also, I really do love that dress on you!

mathilda said...

Danielle...

First, I am happy you got to go away for vacation. It looks beautiful...and you look great too.
I have commented before, and I love your blog! I remember you from WW LJ from a few years back -- your story is still an inspiration. Even when you feel stuck, remember that you have seriously inspired many people! I am an inch shorter than you (I think...I am around 5'5) and I am guessing around the same weight, and I know the feeling of being so frustrated when the scale does not move.

Second (and this actually has more to do with your most recent post about food to move away from), while I still (loosely) track points, for the last three weeks, I have eliminated all white flour , all processed food, all dairy and the only sugar I have had has come from fruit. The reason was not just weight related...I am actually following an elimination program to see what might be triggering my migraines (which I just started getting this year). Anyhow -- I feel AMAZING....AND I have lost eight pounds in three weeks. I am planning on adding back dairy (I hope it is not a trigger) because I love greek yogurt and cheese. I know from reading your blog that you are really busy with work (I am too!) so the no processed food has been a bit of a challenge -- but honestly, I am totally used to it now and feeling this good makes me not want to go back at all. I did not eat a ton of processed food before, but like you, did enjoy the 100 calorie packs once in a while. Now, instead I eat an apple with almond butter. At least two more points for sure -- but I feel so much more satisfied. I also eat eggs, quinoa, brown rice tortillas for wraps, tons of veggies and fruit, fish, chicken, beans (homemade) hummus, nuts, avocados, almond butter...really good food!
This level of restriction is not going to be a complete lifestyle change, as I know that after I finish week four I will start adding in dairy and the occasional treat in (wine, birthday cakes) but for the most part, I am going to kick overly processed food and refined sugar to the curb for good. Paired with WW and my gym and tennis time, I do think this will get me to my goal.
It is certainly not for everyone (more time preparing food, extra cost for fresh produce...though unsweetened frozen is also ok), but I have felt amazing (including more energy to work out). If you want to shake things up, it is worth a try.

Whew. That is the longest blog comment ever.

Keep your chin up! ou look fantastic and you have people cheering for you all over (I am in Seattle).

Danielle said...

@ Jen: Thanks man. I am ready to see that 6lb gain that I have been avoiding for about a month now. I need to take it for what it is and focus. I am going to make a list of the 5lb increments and cross those mother effers off as they go!

Danielle said...

@Mathilda: Thanks for your comment! I'm between 5'5" and 5'6" but I think closer to 5'6".

That is great you've noticed that you're feeling better when you eliminated all that stuff. I am going to try and do the same! Not eliminate things 100% but maybe 75%. Like, no more bagel thins every morning. Instead have some yogurt and fruit. :)

Have you eliminated artifical sweetners and caffeine? I heard those are really bad for migraines! I elimited caffeine a while ago and I want to get rid of the artificial crap!

Thanks for your kind words. It really means a lot hearing it and cheered me up today as well as motivated me to get on track!

:D

Jen said...

Making a list to cross them off is a GREAT idea!!!

mathilda said...

Danielle...

I am glad you are re-motivated!
As for cutting out artificial sweeteners and caffeine, I have totally eliminated all artificial sweeteners. I never really indulged in them much anyway in the last three years (I was a total diet coke junkie in grad school). That one was easy for me. I have been slowly weening myself off caffeine for the last year. I cut coffee out completely last year (I was getting too jittery and twitchy) and switched to green tea. I now drink one -- maybe-- two cups of green tea day. I tried so many varieties but finally found a few I like. I don't sweeten it at all. Throughout the day, I also sip on herbal tea and naturally flavored sparkly water (my weakness!).
I think your plan of eliminating 75% is the best. That is where I want to be after I finish the elimination phase of my eating plan. It is way more realistic/practical than being totally rigid (we all know where that can lead -- binge city!).

Again, keep up the good work. You look amazing!