Thursday, September 2, 2010

I'm feeling upset.

Over the past year my weight has crept up on me. Last year around this time I was back around 167. I remember getting down a bit from being a little over 170. I was doing spinning classes and doing pretty good on program.

Then the holidays hit me. I can't say for sure (too tired to find my weight tracker) but I believe by the time New Years was over (as were my many splurges) I was around 172. So around a 5lb gain over the holidays. Not too bad since they say the average gain is 11. The bad part is I didn't take it off.

Slowly but surely into the new year I was half-assing things and not being strict with points. Even once I started C25k I wasn't following the WW program well enough.

Then there was the Bahamas trip in March which helped add another few pounds on. I tell everyone, one bad weekend and I gain 5lbs. It's just how my body is. :(

Then I was up and down some and lately I've been stuck just over 180. It scares me. 180 is close to 200 and that is one big mental f*ck.

For the past month I've been trying to get under 180. I've missed two weeks of weigh-ins at my meetings due to being out of town, etc. but my last weigh-in I believe was 180.4 so close!

I have one more day before my weigh-in Saturday and what do I do? I mess up. I went about 5 points over tonight by basically binge eating.

I was starving when I got home from acupuncture but stopped at Publix to get some shrimp to make a nice healthy brown rice, broccoli, shrimp, orange sauce dinner and some edamame on the side.

I scarfed if down and still felt ravenous. So I ate a granola bar mindlessly. Then I went on to eat two WW ice pops.

I then went on to feel like shit.

Mind you, this is after I picked up a new jacket I ordered that came in and was at our leasing office. I ordered a medium which I knew would be snug because it's for a December trip and I was going to lose weight between now and then. I even had a conversation with John on my way to acupuncture about it and how instead of trading in for the large I'd keep the medium and lose weight.

I feel like a failure.

I get into these moods and it sucks. I managed to lose over 100lbs on WW and now I can't seem to lose 5?

I need to focus my energy more on my eating and if that means less on running/activity so be it.

When I was consistently losing back a few years ago I would rarely use my 35 WAP and use my APs each day as I needed them.  That worked for me. I need to get back to that!

John and I are going on a trip the second week of December and I refuse to be at this weight (or higher for that matter). I wanted to get down to 156 but that might be hard at this point.

I need to re-evaluate things and try to have some consistent weeks of losses before I try and give myself a number goal.

Another thing is for the 1,000,000th time I realized I can't keep red light foods in the house! No more granola bars, WW ice pops, chips, etc.

I can keep veggies, fruit, dark chocolate (oddly I do okay with this) and more delicious things that aren't processed and filled with crap.

I feel like I went all over the place with the post but I'm feeling pretty upset and keep tearing up. Losing weight and being healthy is a big emotional battle as much as it is physical.

I hope my five mile run tomorrow helps clear my mind and gets me back on track.

As far as weigh-in Saturday, it is what it is.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'm also stuck at 180 and I also feel like that is only 20 pounds away from 200 which is really, lets face it, a few too many cupcakes.

Even with all of the walking and jogging about I did over the past four days, I only lost 1lb. I barely even ate anything and sweated all day. wiml.

I think that a lot of it is a) stressing out about weight and b) we're getting older and so it is harder now.

I don't even know where to increase activity or trim eating anymore. I'm just over focusing on it because it doesn't help. I wish my job wasn't so sedentary where I am sitting 85% of the day. I know that is part of it too. I have packed on the pounds significantly since I began sitting about all day.